We are path-dependent because we think we are a ‘person’.
During the last couple of years, or maybe even long before that, I have been fighting against myself. As someone with a strong moral compass who wanted to do and be good, I was always trying to do things ‘right’. This included not hurting others but even more so using my potential.
Everytime I sold myself short, by not standing up for myself or, as was often the case, overreacting in protecting myself, I tried to find the root of this behavior.
When I felt insecure or was looking for love outside of myself, I investigated in which childhood trauma this may have rooted.
But most of all, I hated when I sold myself short, when I felt I was less then I could be, not only in achievements but more importantly in being. Each time I noticed I wasn’t 100%, I could spend half a day being frustrated with myself, looking for a meaning for all of this and getting back to myself, all of which did not bringing me the freedom and ‘being at home’ I was looking for.
We are not bound by are past, by our thoughts or remembered trauma’s. Our fighting against ourselves has nothing to do with us. Who we truly are, that knowing is always readily available to us.
You are always available to yourself
What helped me get out of this cycle is the realization that path-dependency is an illusion. We are not bound by are past, by our thoughts or remembered trauma’s. Our fighting against ourselves has nothing to do with us. Who we truly are, that knowing is always readily available to us.
No matter what train our thoughts me be on, what we think we need to do before we can let go and be happy, there is always a part of us that is not bound by any event, thought or feeling, from 20 years ago, now or in the future. It is in reality who we really are, all the rest is illusionary.
What has this realization done for me? When my mind loops back and tries to correct past memories, or when I notice I’m giving my power away, I become aware of this and am able to return to myself. Sometimes I do fight a little longer, only then usually a few hours instead of (a) day(s). And maybe that’s another big lesson, that this fighting is okay too and doesn’t need to be fixed.
I wish you awareness of your true self and the courage to let go of any story that only seems to stand in the way of this. You are here, always.