There is a shift happening in the way we men view sex. But, as it is good to keep reinventing ourselves, we should never forget our basic, primal and wild side either.

From a young age we are thought that having sex is cool and a basic part of being a man. Depending on culture and social circle, the number of bed partners we had, the age we started with sex or the type of sexual relationships we had shaped our reputation to a large degree.

Some may still life according to these conventions and for others they don’t rhyme anymore with their inner truth and intrinsic need fo connection & openness. Only there are very few examples on how to integrate these ‘new’ ways of interrelating with others and most of all our self-image.

And so, often encouraged by men who haven’t experienced full, integrative sexuality or women (full sexual integration does not look the same for men and women), a lot of men try a different route. They either try te become a tantra master, sexual yogi or a lover who asks their partner if they are OK three times during sex.

This may be even more so when there is a certain sense of guilt and rejection around past sexual behaviour (which may not have in line with your new spiritual/lover-values). As with anything, the past can hunt us most by the way we go against it.

Because in rejecting the sexual, animalistic, devouring drive within us, we either become soft (mentally or literally), lose our determination to break through discomfort or it will come out in distorted ways.

Of course this does not only go for sexual energy but also anger, frustration or other things we deem primitive or unwanted.

Jordan Peterson said that ‘a harmless man is not a good man. A good man is a very dangerous man who has that under voluntary control’ and this speaks very much to what’s at play here.

A complete man is in touch with his animalistic nature just as much as his awareness and love. He knows how to switch between the two while remaining present. Which may even allow him to be both at the same time.

Tobias Mol

About Tobias Mol

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