As humans we would like to explain (and preferably control) what happens in our lives. There is nothing weird about that.

One way of doing this is to create stories around everything that seems to happen to or inside us;

  • I am successful because I worked hard
  • I don’t have a lot of friends because I was bullied as a kid
  • I got passed over for that promotion because my colleague is an ass-kisser
  • It is difficult for me to open up because my parents pushed me too hard and what I did was never good enough

All these type of stories may or may not hold truth, but the question is not if this is so. What’s really important is; Are they supporting what you want to be? Do they help you attain your goals or block them?

It can be tempting to look at our past and blame it for us not living up to what we want. For those who like to take responsibility for their lives, it can be a trap as well to look at our past happenings and try to ‘fix’ them.

The the thing is, you will never be done. While you are ‘correcting’ the past (like healing the relationship with your parents or understanding ), new things may happen which also need healing. And so you’re never ready to be who you want to be. I’m not saying you should not have conversations with people if this feels important, but past happenings can never limit you unless you believe and focus on them.

Don’t be tempted to find answers in stories of how you got to be in the position you’re in. And if you catch yourself making up stories or trying to explain things, as I did yesterday, put your attention back to where it belongs; Who you want to be now. The rest will sort itself out.


Tobias Mol

About Tobias Mol

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